Angel
by Nirain
Summary: Short one-off


_Wine spills in my blood  
And your blood spills in my soul  
You have no control  
You have no control_

He didn't look at him, when he put another bottle at the table. When he took another gulp, and familiar warmth disbanded all over his body. He said nothing, just was looking out the window on the flooded city in the dark night. A single tear on his cheek shining in the splendor of bedside lamp. He can't fight anymore. He again felt like a coward, unable to fight for the person he loves with all his heart. He just sitting here and letting his lover drinking again, before he'll sleep on the couch, mumbling silently over and over '_sorry'._ He couldn't stand this, even looked at his partner. He was too scared to see how many empty bottles stood in front of him, too scared to see pain and sorrow in his lover's eyes. Yes, he was coward and liar. He again wanted to do this to him. Craig Dean again wanted run away…

* * *

Now he didn't feel anything. He was empty as another bottle of alcohols, which covered table. He licked his dry lips and gaze at his lover back. He chuckled slightly to himself and took the nearest bottle.

_'Mmm…Wine…Do you want some Craig? You've always been such romantic, maybe we should make romantic dinner? Hmm? What do you think Craig?' _even if he was drunk, he knew what to say to cause him pain. He hated his calm and pretending that everything is okay. He wanted to scream it's not fine. He was broken, dead. How Craig couldn't see that?

'_Look at me' _he said coldly. There wasn't any reply, the man didn't move. A few alone tears escape from John Paul's blue eyes.

'_Look at me you fucking bastard and say what you see!' _he shouted and broke a bottle on the table. _'Just look…'_ he was crying now, his hand covered trickle of blood. He didn't feel any pain, he was fucking empty. '_Do you love me Craig? Answer me, please…I stop drinking. I swear, baby.' _

_'You always say that, don't you? Your promises mean nothing.' _He replied silently, don't dare to look at John Paul. '_You're hurting not only yourself John Paul. I love you and I can't bare see you at that stage. You're killing us, John.' _

'_That's not true! You can't blame me for everything!' _he cried and rose up from the chair '_This is your fault too!'_

Craig tightened his teeth, jumped from his chair and with furious went in the direction of John Paul.

'_So now it's my fault, right?! So it's me who drinking all day, then?! Eh?'_

_'Shut up! You don't understand me!' You even don't care about me!'_

John Paul didn't expect this. Before he could tell something more, he was laying on the floor with broke lower lip.

'_I'm leaving John Paul. You hear me?' _John Paul closed his eyes, he can't look at Craig now.

'_I wanna help you John Paul, but you don't want it! When I want to talk with you, you're avoiding me. I want to understand you John, but you didn't give me any chance! I don't know what to do' _he said silently as the tears travelled down his cheeks, '_say, what should I do?' _

_'If you want go, I won't stop you.' _

Craig didn't say anything. He packed himself in bedroom and without goodbye, he went out from the flat. John Paul was still laying on the floor, curled like an embryo. Finally he was alone like he wanted, but it's really what he wants? He wiped blood from his lips and chin and rose up.

_'So we can start a party, right?' _he murmured to himself and took a lonely bottle based on a chair leg. He took big gulp and supported by the wall, went into his bedroom. For a moment he looked at mirror, which he broke last night when he had fight with Craig, and saw in it familiar dark eyes. But this time there wasn't anybody behind him. He was alone. And now he hated it…

_Dead angels speak to me sometimes  
Giving me advice that I should hear  
You are what I'm looking for  
Because you're close, because you're near_

He spend most nights in fuggy clubs, drinking to unconsciously with newly met guys. Sometimes he landed in their flats, spending nights on sex, even without knowing their names. He didn't need that, it was just pure sex without any feelings. He just wanted to forget about all world, don't felt alone. So why it seemed to be bad? He didn't know anything.

It was already month as Craig disappeared from his life, and month since doin these dreams. Dreams in which he saw his dead sister, Tina. She was always smiling to him and gently caressing his arm. He felt as if a small child who needs love and tenderness. It's time when he didn't feel alone and had his sister for himself. She's alive and for once he didn't feel guilty.

Sometimes Tina spoke to him, with voice full of warmth and concern.

'_It's not your fault, baby._ _Don't blame himself' _she said to him calmly, gently rubbing his back '_you need to life again, baby. You're not alone, there are people who worry about you and love you. Open your eyes baby and look. They are here for you John Paul. Don't reject them, please.' _

But he didn't open his eyes. He pretending, he didn't know what Tina wanted to pass him. He played dumb against himself. He was good in that. Tina wasn't right, he didn't have anybody.

_Wine spills in my blood tonight  
And blood spills in my mouth  
You have what I'm looking for  
Oh, you are just pretend_

It would be fun. He met him last night at club and immediately interested in him. He wasn't tall, but he was very slim and had dark skin. For John Paul he was beautiful. He told him he's name is Joy and smiled to John Paul in adorable way. It was good fun with him, they dancing all night and drinking.

Fun finished, when 'Joy' dragged him to a nearby alley. From the beginning he didn't refuse Joy's sweet kisses and his hands circulating throughout his body. He felt familiar warm and tension. He remembered this soft hands on his skin and hot kisses on his neck. '_Craig' _he whispered kissing him on the lips. He enjoying every minutes, before he's eyes locked with Joy's eyes. He frowned at moment, when instead of see green eyes, he saw a chocolate one's. He pushed back Joy, feeling disgusting for himself. He didn't know what's going on. The alcohol circulated in his veins, in front of his eyes he only saw the face of his beloved. He wanted to go out, go to home, escaping from this feelings. But he couldn't. He heard Joy's angry voice and feel dreadful pain on his ribs. He fall on the ground with groan. He closed his eyes, when he felt another beats. The warm blood travelled down his chin, stopped on the cold pavement, creating a small puddle. As the mist, he heard the sound of busted material and heavy breath above his ear. He didn't move, plunging ever deeper darkness.

_Dead angels speak to me sometimes  
Giving me advice that I should hear  
You are what I'm looking for  
Because you're close, because you're near_

He saw her. She was gently smiling to him, wipping blood from his mouth. She was looking so angelic.

_'Come on baby, stand up.'_

_'I don't wanna come back without you' _he whispered, tears rolled down from his eyes.

'_You're not alone. You know, who's waiting for you. Don't screw it John Paul.'_

_'I miss you Teen. Please, forgive me I couldn't help you. Forgive me for let you go. That I didn't save you.'_

_'It's okay, baby. It wasn't your fault. I'm happy now John Paul. Please, stand up and go. It's not place for you. You must life, you have for whom life.'_

_'I don't wanna leave you.'_

_'Go. I'll always be with you, remember that. Don't be afraid. Everything will be okay. Trust me.' _

He woke up when sunlight dead on his face. He opened his swollen eyes and saw man face above himself.

'_You're okay sir? We called ambulance, they'll be for few minutes.'_

'_It's unnecessary. I feel fine' _he replied with dry voice and stood up. For a moment he looked at his ripped shirt and blue jeans covered with his blood. His swollen face was covering by many bruises and wet. Until now he noticed, he was still crying.

_'You must see a doctor. You're not looking good.' _

'_Thanks, but I'm really fine. I have to go and see someone.'_

_'But ambulance…'_

He didn't hear him, he just run away. Craig. His place is with him. He ran to one of the buildings where his friend Kate has locum and moved by the stairs to the top. He knew Craig must been here. He stopped in front of door and bit his lower lip. He didn't know what to do. His heart was racing on his chest, his breath heavy and sharply. He lifted his hand and looked at the door. If he didn't do this now, he'll never do it again. He was ready. He gently knocked at the door. Minute later, the door opened slowly and familiar face appeared in front of John Paul.

'_My God, John Paul what's happened to you?!' _Craig cried and touched younger man face. John Paul cuddled his face to Craig's warm hand.

'_I'm sober, Craig. I really am. Please forgive me sweetheart. I love you with all my heart.'_

The older man pulled John Paul into tight embrace. They were crying in each other arms, whispering provide charity.

'_Do you forgive me Craig?' _he didn't look at him, entwined his fingers with his.

Craig gently lifted John Paul's chin and kissed him slowly, with love and care.

'_How could I don't forgive you? You're my life John Paul. You're my everything.' _

_You are what I'm looking for  
Oh, you are what I'm looking for  
You are what I'm looking for  
Oh, you_


End file.
